So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
