I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
