alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
