You work out of a Hotel?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You have to summon your inner elephant
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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