I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
