Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
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I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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