when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need to sanitize my soul.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
