that's an acceptable place to lick
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
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Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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