member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
