When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
