I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
