3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think my tv is drunk
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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