Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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