...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
