I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
