I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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