Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
