We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
