Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
