He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I am one with the molecules
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
