I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
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If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize