Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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