I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
