maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
