I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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