Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
