And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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