i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
