just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
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