he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
