It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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