My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
