Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize