I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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