Cold hands, warm shart.
We need to rekindle our bromance
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
