My liver just broke up with me...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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