Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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