i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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