FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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