i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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