I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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