But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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