He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
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I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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