You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
