I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
