A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
