Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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