We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
