Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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