you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
