Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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