i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
