I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
