oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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