Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
