Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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