Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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