Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize