"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
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It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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