moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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